Christmas Time is Here

So in less than a week, Christmas will be here. It's weird that this year has gone by so quickly. Anyone agree?

Christmas shopping is always a blast, isn't it? I've never seen so many stressed out, rushed and annoyed people gather in a mall or shopping center for so long. Working in retail/food service/coffee, not only do I have the opportunity to see a good majority of these people, I also have the pleasure of giving each and every tired, pissy, caffeine-deficient, impatient bundle of joy their venti heart attack.

If I've learned one thing from working in a coffeeshop, it's that Europeans are awesome. Well, I guess I already knew that. But oh well. I learned it more. Somehow.

No one needs 20 ounces of coffee, sugar, milk, or any combination of those. Especially a venti cappuccino. No. You simply don't need it. It doesn't even make sense.

Europeans, especially Italians, know this. They know coffee. They know what it is, what they want, and how they want it. They may seem prude, but it's for a different reason than Americans. First of all, if someone looks or sounds like they're from Europe, I know that I don't need to explain what a cappuccino is. They understand. Cappuccino = espresso with equal parts steamed milk and foam.

A cappuccino is NOT the vanilla, sugary liquid one finds on tap at Quik Trip. I sometimes detest what Americans have done with coffee. To Italians, coffee is precise and beautiful. One ounce of espresso with six ounces of steamed milk and light foam. Perfect coffee.

Not for us Americans though. We prefer 20 ounces of heart attack. To break this down, it's mainly comprised of steamed soy milk, mocha syrup, caramel syrup, vanilla syrup, whipped cream, caramel sauce drizzle, and a little espresso.

My other favorite order to bear through goes something like this:

After perusing the menu for WAY too long, a large, hick-ish man with disgusting facial hair, a camouflage hat and a hunter's orange vest in the MIDDLE of a bookstore (and really, what the hell are you hunting? Dress like a normal person.) walks up to the counter and says:

"Do you just have COFFEE?"

"Well yes, we have a variety of lattes and flavors, but we also have--"

"--No, just some regular old coffee. None of that pansy-ass girly shit."

"Just drip coffee? Sure. What size?"

"Uh, just regular. I don't know."

"Well, we have a tall, grande and venti, which are small, med--"

"--Just whatever. A big one, I guess."

"Okay, and do you like room for cream?"
"No, just black."

I have to tell you something. Being a prude about only wanting 20 ounces of black coffee doesn't make you seem better. It doesn't make you any more of a hardass or any cooler, or anything. Personally, I prefer the Europeans who prefer the precision of a latte. Granted, Starbucks is not, by any means, the epitome* of espresso, nor is it the best. But it'll do.

So anyway, I think of the fact that Christmas is soon, and ALL of that runs through my mind.

In other Christmas-y news, I watched How the Grinch Stole Christmas with Jim Carrey today. That movie is awesome. I remember loving it as a ten-year-old, or however old I was when it came out, but I absolutely LOVED watching it again and catching all sorts of innuendos and adult-level jokes! It was rad.

My closing thoughts for tonight/this morning must look to how the American economy is "tied to Santa's ass" (Lewis Black). Ol' Lewis Black is absolutely right, though. Every year, retailers, consumers, and news reporters are solely concerned with making sure enough goods are purchased to a) reach goals and maintain a "stable" (yeah right) economy and b) give to loved ones just so they can use it once or twice, then hock it 2-6 weeks later either i) because it's lame, or ii) the gift recipient would truly rather have the money the gift is worth, new or used.

I'm sorry that was a bit of a run on sentence; I know it had way too many clauses. If I was a bit more talented with HTML, I would have made that last bit into a flow chart.

Anyway. Lots of things really get on my nerves. It's kind of sad that as an 18-year-old, I would actually prefer sitting down, eating a nice meal, and relaxing with my girlfriend, family, and friends rather than receiving a single gift. I just want a day off without the stress of work or school: a day to be calm and enjoy the company of others who are always either too stressed or have too much to do to calm down on any other day.

I guess if there's a theme to take away from this post, it's something like the following: don't let Christmas stress you out. Be chill, and just be happy you get a day off.

However, since I'm almost positive that there's no way I accurately articulated any decent message in a way that anyone reading this will learn anything, I offer you this:

*epitome

n. a representative or perfect example of a class or type.

Originally, an epitome was an abstract, describing the main points of a writing.

Etymology:

Greek epitemnein (epi ["into"] + temnein ["to cut"]) > Latin epitome ["abridgement"]

I found, in looking at the etymology of epitome, it wasn't as fun as I had hoped. Oh well. Disappointment. Just like when you find out Santa doesn't exist, and that creepy old man dressed in red who let you sit on his lap was either a) a drunken liar who took $100 bucks to wear a fake beard at a mall all day and listen to kids talk or b) a pedophile communist with uncontrollable facial hair. The different situations simply depend upon whether this even took place in a mall or a dark alleyway behind it, respectively.

Truly,

David

Just Another Day

So last night I was at work, and I did something pretty interesting. My shift was 4:30 - 10 PM, and at 7 PM I was so fed up with people, I made a list. But to preface this...

Here's a little known fact about the Barnes&Noble Café:

It's not Starbucks.

We have Starbucks beverages. None of their pastries, none of their chocolates, NONE OF THEIR GIFT CARDS. I was thinking maybe I'd mention some of these facts in each post, so that way anyone drifting through cyberspace might come across this page and see it, then tell everyone they know.

It's really quite simple. Barnes&Noble has Starbucks' drinks. That's it. We buy them from Starbucks, then sell them to you.

I hate it when people come up and try to pay with their Starbucks card, and I have to tell them I can't accept it. More often than not, the person thinks I'm personally judging him or her, and that's why I won't accept it.

I also hate it when they stop to tell me their sob story. "Awh, are you fucking kidding? I can't use this stupid card anywhere!"

First of all, USE IT AT STARBUCKS. You know, the stand-alone building that says STARBUCKS COFFEE.

Secondly, the more you whine and complain to me will not change the fact that if I run the card through the machine, it won't accept as a valid form of payment. I'm convinced some people actually believe that if they try to connect with me on a personal level, or try to make me feel some sort of sympathy* for them, then I'll go "You know what, you're right, this Starbucks card WILL work. All of our accounting and financial systems just changed while you were telling me this. I'll go ahead and take it now!"

So anyway. Now that I've vented all that, I can finally tell you my story. At 7 PM, I made a list. The title was simple: Times People Have Asked to Purchase a Starbucks Gift Card - 12/16.

The total marks only tallied 13, which is a decent amount for the three hours we were open past 7. Little did I know, I should have made two lists. The other list should have been:

Times People Have Looked at me Like I'm an Asshole, Especially Right After Trying to Purchase a Starbucks Gift Card, because They're Confused about How the B&N Café Works and They're Too Lazy and Stupid to Try to Begin to Understand.

But that title probably would have taken too much room, and I would have gotten bored in the middle of writing it and given up.

*Word of the Day: sympathy

n. "mutual understanding arising from a relationship or affinity between people or things"

from Greek sympatheia, from sympathes

-broken down: syn- (together) + pathos (feeling)

Side note / tangent / digression: I love Greek. It would be rad to learn Greek, but I'd prefer Latin. I'd LOVE to learn Latin.

From the Greek sympatheia to the L.L. (Late Latin, as spoken c.300-c.700) sympathia to the Middle French sympathie.

I love etymology. I don't love it enough to make a career out of it, but I love it as a hobby.

So anyway. I hope SOMEONE learned SOMETHING today. I don't know. Good luck with everything, people.

Truly,

David

First

Well, hello everyone. Welcome to my blog. For those of you who somehow managed to look past the date/time stamp, or just can't read numbers, it's about three in the morning on the sixteenth day of December. This is my first blog post.

It's all rather exciting. I decided it may be fun to make use of my informal writing skills via Internet, as well as connecting you with enticing or amusing websites, links, tools, or whatever I may decide to share with you. In fact, it will become one of my New Years' resolutions to update this blog every day.

Luckily, another of my resolutions is to update this blog weekly. And yet another is to update it biweekly. Hopefully, I won't let myself down.

For those of you who don't know much about me, or who happen to somehow run across my blog sometime between now and whenever I become too lazy to update it (hopefully in 2011 at least), I've prepared a bit of an introduction.

My name is David Cable, just as the URL suggests. My middle name is Michael, hence the M. I was born in Kansas City in 1991. I attend Park University as a Business Administration major, my Social Security number is nine digits long, and I have two dogs: Buddy and Missy. The former is pretty rad, the latter is a bitch.

Anyway. I enjoy the concept, creation, and consumption of food. I also like to listen to and play a plethora of music. At the top of my Most Played on iTunes right now are the following:

1. The Family Force 5 Christmas Pageant - Family Force 5
2. Picture Perfect - Every Avenue
3. Bo Burnham - Bo Burnham
4. Ocean Eyes - Owl City
5. It's Classy Not Classic - Breathe Carolina

Roughly, this translates as such:

1. Awesome techno recreation of classic Christmas songs
2. Alternative, upbeat pop rock
3. Absolutely HYSTERICAL musical comedy [Please, for the love of God, check him out here]
4. If you haven't yet heard of Owl City, I have no words. People who haven't listened to Owl City still know what it sounds like.
5. Pretty rad techno/screamo mix.

I'm slowly becoming more and more attached to My Life is Average [MLIA]. I try to play my Xbox 360 as much as possible, but working at the Barnes&Noble Café, coupled with schoolwork and spending time with my girlfriend whenever possible keeps this at a minimum. I'm holding out for Christmas, hoping for a couple of sweet new games: namely, Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 and Assassin's Creed II. I also enjoy long walks at the beach, stargazing, and using pointless clichés.

Like my taste in music, my taste in television and film is quite eclectic*. It'll all come up from time to time.

Well, I don't have much else to say. I feel like this was a pretty good intro. Stay tuned, it'll be a blast. I promise.

Truly,

David Cable

P.S. I think this may be fun: "Words of the Day" are always fun to look at. Also, as a nerd, I like etymology.

*eclectic: adj. composed of elements drawn from various sources.

from Greek eklegein: to select